Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Night #1 - 20.04.12




I felt contented after seeing this film.
I felt content and I didn't feel alone, I found that I wasn't alone because the characters in the film were just as alone and lonely as I felt, both of them attracted to their darkness, always in search of it.
At the beginning of the film I felt a little sick, the sex scene made me uneasy, from start to finish. I had flashbacks of lovers I'd been with, the sex seemed so disconnected and lost, the two lovers not really sure what they're looking for, just fucking for the sake of it, because they're lost, lonely.
As the film opened up, and the two got to know each other throughout the night, personally and emotionally, it then became beautiful to me. The truth in them seeped out, their feelings and bodies both raw and honest.
It's a little sad to me that in reality we feel that we can just discard someone as quickly as we can just sleep with them, to ignore or pretend that person/moment never existed or happened; maybe for acting on impulse, then feeling regret or shame for having acted so primitively.
But if we opened up and became our true selves, openly and intimately, even with a stranger, maybe we wouldn't feel the shame or guilt that comes as soon as we're back 'in reality' - if we didn't shut ourselves off from reality when fucking, if we didn't become unconscious, then maybe we wouldn't feel these emotions that society makes us feel, or indeed, that we pressure ourselves to feel.
What are we looking for when we fuck someone, when we seek out a stranger to have sex with? I think we're searching for a part of ourselves, because only through another can we discover something in ourselves, whether it be through talking or fucking - through communication - sexual communication.
In the film she said: ''I wanted you to see something in me that I couldn't.''
I remember that he once did, he saw something in me that I could only feel. Something real.
Only through another can we taste the scent of ourselves.
I taste myself through you.
I'm lost until I'm tasted.
I'll taste myself to death.

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