Monday, 9 July 2012
''...we find ourselves stuck in patterns which prevent us from changing. A pattern is by nature repetitive, but easily changeable.''
As I headed home in the early hours of Sunday morning, confused and hazy, lots; lonely, I walked past a couple, a man and a woman, I heard them before I saw them; a soft moan coming from the woman. I glanced as I walked past and they were kissing, the woman still moaning, I wasn't going to turn back, I wished I hadn't, but I did, I was curious. They were having sex up against the wall, in full public view, fully clothed, the man's trousers just below his arse, the woman's legs slightly raised and edged apart, and in a drunken embrace they held each other, or rather, held each other up, the woman could barely hold herself up, her head bobbing to one side, eyes closed and hair falling over her face. The man stood stiff and upright, holding position of the woman against the wall. It was awful. I felt sick. It was so disconnected, so saddening to see. A man and a woman, so capable of loving and caring for one another, each holding the ability within themselves to love each other passionately and consciously, to listen and to give, and yet they don't know how to show it properly - both the couple in the corner, and myself and the man who I had just left.
What's gone wrong between our species? How did our threads begin to disconnect?
Instead of showing our true feelings we either drown them down with alcohol and then act in hurtful and unconscious ways, doing damage to ourselves and to the other, unknowingly, and scarily, this is accepted and seen as the norm in our society.
Others don't say anything to each other, keeping their true feelings and things they long to say at bay through fear of being hurt or rejected again, and ending up in silent states of awkwardness. A pattern which for me and the other has become all too repetitive, but now that I'm aware of it, now that I'm conscious of it, I can begin to change it.
Are man and woman ever able to join their threads?