Crimson Love

Roses in your heart, confirm your love for me.

Recoil memories from your childhood's heartbeat.

Resist your crown of love,

resist it all for me.

Tender is your heart, tenderist it's been.

Memories of your soul, glittering like gold.

Do you remember me?

Forgotten through the years,

She unwrapped herself in tears.

Shining like the sun, her life has now begun.

Protector of one in crimson,

loving the earthly sheets.

I am no man,

nor beast,

but woman.

x

Star Maiden

My egg

wrapped in netting.

Grounded by five

spikes of the porcupine; out of Africa,

a woman She became.

*

She had no legs, 

just an ovary

of infinite size.

Compatibly sweet and uniform.

Her name, dazzles like the stars,

and shines upon her face;

Ever watching and warming - 

our sweetest Angel, Grace.

*

(A swan protecting her eggs)

||

*

Surrender

x

Ribbon and Rose

Rose petals scattered in the sink

''Let yourself in,'' said the dearest.

And with the faintest of a twitch, the wise old witch spoke but one final verse..

''Our dearest earth; do with it what you will, but in all that you claim, and all that you carry, you should know but only this...''

But before she could finish her brave spoken words, her last riddle of breath became fled and dampened by the young girl's sudden absence, and all that she left behind her, in the grave sullen sink, were three tiny petals, of lily, rose and pink.

''Such sweet little curls,'' the white witch admired,

''Such a sweet little girl.''

In a ribbon of three..I unfurl

x

Rainbow

He roams as a distant follower

unaware of her charm;

her real charm.

Instead he just floats, and forgets

and buries his hurt

into her own,

one that she carries, all alone.

Waiting for a love

so pure,

all because

he was unsure.

Now she hovers like a rainbow,

appearing only when it rains,

in his darkened, dampened sky.

But soon she'll hover elsewhere

in someone else's sky.

She never deserved the pain.

___


For now she hides under a blanket of rust
hiding her tears in her fingers.
She crouches low and hides her desire.
She longs to travel and to share her fire.
Flames of a broken heart beat gently.
He savaged her icy breath.
The waves of a pearl ride gently,
rowing their way towards death.

June '12

Firework

The other night I went to see the film 'Rust and Bone' - a French film with English subtitles.

A beautiful story of a man and woman who come together through their traumatic experiences.

I was utterly transfixed and absorbed, it was a very real film that triggered on raw, human emotion.

Some scenes are quite upsetting, some scenes are beautiful, tragic, erotic, brutal - and yet they all worked so well together in the film. The emotions the actors portrayed and carried on their faces throughout this film was beautifully strong yet tender, and they delivered them truly. I probably could have watched this film without the subtitles and would still have been as transfixed. I was in awe, from the very beginning to the end, and I left the cinema feeling deeply touched and inspired. This is what I love about films, and this is why I only treat myself to watch them every once in a while, I watch films to feel something, to feel inspired and motivated, and when films like this come along, films that make me tingle from the inside out, I can't help but write about it and share it with others. I would say that you should go and see this film, but whenever someone tells me this about films, I can't help but be put off by it straight away, not all of us get the same feelings from a film, we each take away something different, we each have different view points and we each have different perspectives on reality. So, I will share with you what I took away with me from the film.

For the last few weeks I've been aware that I have been suppressing some of my emotions, not dealing with things that have been niggling away at me; over thinking and even rushing a little in my everyday tasks, and I've also abandoned my writing, I still write every day, but have taken a back seat in how much I'm writing; taken a back seat on myself; emotionally neglecting myself in a way. Some of this has been necessary, but only to an extent, as now when I find myself becoming agitated and restless, I know that I need to draw inwards and find out what's causing me to act this way, instead of taking a back seat and ignoring it, I need to get back on the steering wheel.

In taking a step back from my writing, thinking that it would calm my mind, I actually became more over thought and more agitated. By not recognising how I was really feeling, through my writing, or being aware of my mental patterns, I struggled to digest new emotions/feelings/thoughts on top of new ones that I still hadn't properly digested, I had swallowed myself but I was stuck - mentally constipated - and I needed to shift my excess waste in order to make room for the new.

After watching this film I unleashed this awareness and began writing again, getting back on track with my awareness and mental and emotional state. I beckoned my being and she recognised me, without no questioning or need for reasoning. 

She is me and I am She.

The relationship between the two in this film was honest and beautiful, their paths coming together at first as friends, with their attraction for one another gradually blossoming, at first without them consciously knowing. Their relationship together was beautiful and honest as together they dealt with their own emotional obstacles and traumas that were at first caging them from life and from their own realities. In being there for one another, each of them being a strong back bone and inspiration to one another; accepting their flaws and all, they then recognised their own back bone and became an inspiration to themselves.

I realised, after watching this film, that in order to make room for a mutual merging of male and female, we must at first recognise and learn to shift whatever fears and obstacles reside within us, whether doing that together, or alone, but in doing so with true devotion to yourself always.

Every tingle in my heart was touched by this film, and there was also a song that played in the film that really touched me and left me wanting to skip out of the cinema, a song by an artist I've never really listened to before, but this song, her words and her voice made me want to sing as I skipped back home...the song 'Firework' by Katy Perry. I would say you should listen to this song, but whenever someone tells me this about a song, the feeling is never quite the same. For my reality is a different view from yours...

She kissed my eyes

She got candy eyes

Take me to the skies

x

Cotton Flower

It was locked under a broken bone,
At a time when she was so alone.
She never heard the rabbit
She never heard the bird
Until that bone was lifted,
Then came their voices heard

___


It had eyes,
The blood in her veins had eyes,
and she danced until her blood ran black

Tiny little acorn fell through cotton flower

Could you run to a higher flame?
How far could you push yourself?

Lilac birds fly
And lilac birds sing.

Time, never noticed my number

Spider Web

''You can die but you're never dead, spider web.''

As she pulls and weaves in each of her threads,

her veins trigger salty nerves.

Bleached.

Cosmic.

Unparalleled.

Each little finger bleeds amongst the fur.

My lovely little girl

My lovely little girl 

When you die bleeding,

and come out screaming,

all that remains within you is joy;

pure pearls of timeless wisdom.

''I would give anything in my silence,''

she said

as her fingers carried her threads, and she crawled back peacefully,

back inside her spider's web.

x

Carina

When you find your soul, never look back

I pray for love

And I pray for guidance.

Reasoning matters not.

For reasoning beyond your understanding 

leads to madness.

Sheets of red linen

Curl upon the floor.

A teardrop stains 

The eyes of an innocent child.

A curse,

Or a gift, to be alive?

''Naked beauties - alive, abandoned, devoted.''

She silenced her whispering

And spoke the words she had just read - 

''Feeling is the language of the soul.''

And to her surprise, with an answer, God softly said..

''If you want to know what's true for you about something, look to how you're feeling about it.''

Transparent, transient

Intricate, delicate

But stronger than you could ever know

I will never leave you

x

The Hush of Venus

''Society, I feared, still believed the sexually forward woman to be harmful to the fabric of civilization.''

What is it in woman, inside us, that is feared? That we ourselves are afraid of?

Is it life? Death?
Do we veil a secret that has been so long for kept?

Do we fear both the symbol of life and the symbol of woman? The secret that is hidden inside of us? The gateway to eternal pleasure? This symbol that has been portrayed as the goat; as the Devil, for many years, and thus why we've been hidden, hushed away in the dark, our silence eating away at us.

We hold the Devil's mark, he lives within our blood.

Time to make a change.

We've been silent for long enough.

''Wisdom, she says, lies in tearing out the heart as soon as possible, before sorrow settles in it.''

Tempered little jewel,
mistake me not for evil
I am wise beyond my years
The secret lies inside you

''You are creating it, as it is creating you.''

Floating in transparency, I fall
through pigments in time.

Tempered little jewel.

''I am mine.''

''Crime, punishment''

..as beautiful as the strong atavistic bonds between man and the earth, deep, cosmic, simply - 

beautiful.

''The police find them, together, the two of them, in the first flare of twilight, completely naked, painting long phallusoid candles on the wall with yellow paint, the sickly colour of tuberculosis.

Enough fucking around, say the policemen.

Amedeo Modigliani drops his paintbrush, turns and looks blatantly at the gentleman with moustaches.

Get ready, they say.

Ten minutes later, he sets off down the dark stairway, treading slowly, at an almost funereal pace, accompanied by the tense gentlemen with moustaches.''

Ambers jagged edges come clean.

They remain, as yet, unseen.

''A beautiful bird

came to them

and said - 

UNATTAINABLE

Angelene

Shackled by flames

Presence protrudes

and forgives

''Don't push me too far.''

Angelene

lives

in a far off fire,

woven in her heart

like a torch.

Petal breath in palm,

dipped in frog spawn rivers,

her nipples sweetly kissed

her fine rimmed surface.

Rippling

towards the edges of their hearts.

They moved fine on the swing

until their heads became faint,

but Angelene knew nothing 

of the kisses they sent,

because they were never truly felt.

''As I send my love in masks,

use not your head but your hearts.''

Real love ripples in the dark.

x

Mutiny

The Lions gaze unfolds in Threes

A single flame

Balanced

One doesn't work without Three

Groves

Lost,

I disappeared

And revealed myself..

Fervent little flower

Breathe

Golden Curse

I knew I was blessed,

Before I was cursed.

Just like fairy dust,

They shot our splinters

And ground our dust into gold.

Now heaven no longer needs us,

Because she already has our souls.

Splinters and arrows

Form into rust.

Splinters and arrows

Turn into dust

Treasured, just like Gold

Porcelain Petal

She shivered a castaways dream

Life remained unseen

Until a familiar touch

A familiar sting

Opened her gateway to being.

In the centre of my crown

I inject

I glisten in robes

And welcome, the noble warrior from home.

As gentle as my innards

And as subtle as my screams

This man in me did enter

The pathway to my dreams.

''Such a beautiful rose

Such a beautiful feather''

Father subsided and drowned

And in my heart I found

The child I had shut out

And the woman who I'd drowned.

Bathed in blossomed buckets

I gently raised her head

From the blood stained tepid water.

Rose petals scattered her cheeks.

Falling from the sky;

Rosy tears

Moistened blackened eyes.

She came alive

She came alive in my arms

And as she knelt forwards

She melted her lips to my feet

And on soggy soddened ground

We merged.

Her head rose up as she stiffened,

Conjoining 

We twirled into one,

I accepted my darkness

I accepted 

Aloud and in song

We merged into one

We merged into one

Lion

Wings of a golden heart

Replaced by a silver tongue

Leopard races through time

Lion dutifully waits

She waits for the right one

Her protector is her prey

She never followed his way

But instead she waited

She waited for her heart to be captured

For her love to be devoured.

A calling from her master

Awakened her natural senses

And she followed his scent to the heavens

She followed his scent to touch

And without ever knowing too much

She breathed in his breath

Inwardly

Fragments falling within each beat

Of her bleeding heart

Inconsistent and itchy

Itching from her own unintentional spell

Uncovering a radar so deep

That no man ever found the words to tell

That his hunter was his protector 

and his protector was his prey.

Lion leaves no image 

Only a tongue

Of ribboned scars

Falling flat and juicy

Her eyes rest in the stars

Body is endless

Your body is endless, formless and deathless

Murmurs of Nature

Delicate moths light up the darkest of night, but dwell in the darkness in order to notice the light.

A wing'd flame rests below her cheek

 ''a relationship fed with curiosity and spiced with danger.''

The softest touch from the murmurs of nature.

The rhythms and the moans, felt from the outer, felt from within, feed each other

''a shifting web of meanings that we felt on our skin.''

Nature is a beauty of sound and sight.

Resting in the darkness, resting in the night.

Darkness feeds light.

Darkness feeds light.

The Devil has no name

''She's full of sex, that demon is, full of sex and untold secrets.''

She who possesses and feels the red blood flowing through her veins, She who cries out in the middle of the night, She who has no shame. 

She is the Devil, for the Devil has no name.

Society

‘OUR’ big society

Ok ‘Dave’ (my, that’s a very chummy name you have there, I bet you were a right lad in your youth), since you still proceed with your Big Society idea we’ll form one! The thing is, our big society might not be what you were wanting.
If you think the state is so unnecessarily bloated, well our big society’s OK with that: we’ll get rid of the state, all of it.
There can never be 'no such thing as society,' but there can be no such thing as state. Maybe you and your party, in all your pomposity, have actually gone too far this time, and whilst you were trying to return us to the harshness’s of the past, whilst you clawed back the land, you’ve actually made us realise we no longer need the likes of you.

- John Ledger

Society of Guilt

Communication is a language, human sexuality is a language. Intimacy and secrecy are vital to human sexuality, sexuality brings us a desire for immateriality. Love and sexuality are immaterial.

The more we are consuming, the more we are pushing aside our true feelings. Why do we consume? To make ourselves feel better – a short term happiness, but material objects don’t really satisfy our happiness, for if they did, we wouldn’t feel the need to keep on consuming. Our desire to consume becomes ever more hungry. Are we afraid to deal with the truth? To confront our fears, our reality and our sexuality?

- Jade Lauren

Globalsapiens. x

Breast

''His loving touch.''

''He knew what he was doing.''

But does she know what she wants?

You said you beat inside my heart

I felt a part of His loneliness

I felt a part of His pain

Real love ripples in the dark,

..but the only one I loved, never knew my heart.

*

Nestled between my armpit and my palm,

rests my breast,

soft and full

between my palm and my chest.

She breathes,

alive and well,

just as I breathe,

now I am well.

''Allow the body to unfold in its own time.''

Sanguine

A raindrop attach's not to the rose 

as it falls onto her petal lips..

A petal painted her lips, dew drops dripped south
falling, ever so gently, along a red and vibrant mouth.

Limerence

He was like a ray of sunshine in my heavy heart

Where did he tremble to?

He remembers the rain

He remembers her skin

He remembers her crying

She never gave in

But he gave up

way too easily

And slept through her fire

He remembers the day all too clearly

Vividly haunting him in his restless hours

He remembered everything

But he never remembered me

*

The bed rolled her knickers right up

She remembered his tender touch

It was never enough

She never realised it was never enough

But he could feel it

And it hurt

It hurt until it boiled his veins

A love that began so sweetly

That tasted so pure

Now ends in contented confusion

They were both never really sure

Eye

I never saw my eye

I never found it

Until I sucked myself

Her heart never beat the same

Maybe sweat released her inner self

Bound by an inward breath

She found her heart

Clenched between her teeth

Lips coated in juices

Above a restless tongue

And in there lye

Knitting neatly

Was her own eye

Stitching

Bleeding

As she sang

Oh so sweetly

''They never found the needles

They never found the needles.''

Inside the porcelain

''..in her own queer, female way, she was serious to the bottom of her soul.''

Leave the light on

Leave the light on, please

Heart is heavy

Sunken in blood

Not ready for love

She struggled to digest it

''There was nothing inside the porcelain.''

Creatures

There are some things in life that are mysteries

Some things in life that need no reason why

Some things in life that have no answers, no questions

There are some things in life that are innocent, no matter how tainted or torn

These creatures are silent, and have remained a mystery since the day they were born

''How foolish human creatures can be''

Fair thee well Poppet

''Fair thee well''

he said, with a poppet in hand.

Fair thee well

Red was the colour in his hands.

He handed her a bunch of Roses

with a smile cut sharp

across his face

''There's a baby in there''

There's a baby in there

Red was the colour of his hands

Ridges

I always knew you were there.

Like a witches finger,

scrawling up my back.

Your tiny little bones,

edged in deep

and fit perfectly

with the ridges in my back.

Now we're connected

and there's no turning back.

For the roots in my heart

form the outline of a child,

whose threads that went missing

are the same ones as mine.

A child is starved

A child is fed

And we'll weave this way forever

until we rest among the dead.

''But perhaps...

..their strong and aristocratic silence, the silence of strong trees, meant something else.''

Women's bodies merged out of the trees, 

dark, bulbous trees.
They appeared everywhere.
Soft, low voices.
Women's voices, breathless.

Stood, at the top of a small hill,
looking up at the sky.
It was bright, sunny.
Yellow/orange circle filled my eyes
and there lye a symbol,
a star,
and in the middle of the star, 

an eye,

a women's eye,
the Devils eye,
cast over like a shadow
in the deepened yellow/orange sky.

.

I will reap my soul into the deep, and curdle words against my skin

Blood red

When prison walls decay

you'll find yourself

growing,

growing.

It opens itself in on you,

you'll find it in the garden.

Shrouds of dirt begin to bleed

and draw their veins into the seams

of opened skin

so red

it feeds upon your body,

bleeding

bleeding.

Come with me,

come walk with me,

to that place untold,

unheard

unseen.

We'll share the sun 

and drown

alone inside the river

slowly,

slowly.

Now all that's left

for us to give,

is our dying flesh

that rots

so beautifully,

to the souls that crave

for our purity.

Pretty Pettle

''She's a funny looking thing isn't she?''

I'd like to, fade away.

''Yes, a funny little thing.''

..and the moss on the moors remains the same.

''You'll always find your way'', he said, you'll always find your way..

Pretty, little petal

x

Album artwork

Am very proud to have been involved in creating some artwork for a local band in Sheffield: InFictions, along with other local artists too.

I was very chuffed when I saw that they had chosen to use my drawing for their album cover..and I think it looks ace!!

You can find the band here: 

http://www.facebook.com/inFictionsMusic

x