Rainbow

He roams as a distant follower

unaware of her charm;

her real charm.

Instead he just floats, and forgets

and buries his hurt

into her own,

one that she carries, all alone.

Waiting for a love

so pure,

all because

he was unsure.

Now she hovers like a rainbow,

appearing only when it rains,

in his darkened, dampened sky.

But soon she'll hover elsewhere

in someone else's sky.

She never deserved the pain.

___


For now she hides under a blanket of rust
hiding her tears in her fingers.
She crouches low and hides her desire.
She longs to travel and to share her fire.
Flames of a broken heart beat gently.
He savaged her icy breath.
The waves of a pearl ride gently,
rowing their way towards death.

June '12

Firework

The other night I went to see the film 'Rust and Bone' - a French film with English subtitles.

A beautiful story of a man and woman who come together through their traumatic experiences.

I was utterly transfixed and absorbed, it was a very real film that triggered on raw, human emotion.

Some scenes are quite upsetting, some scenes are beautiful, tragic, erotic, brutal - and yet they all worked so well together in the film. The emotions the actors portrayed and carried on their faces throughout this film was beautifully strong yet tender, and they delivered them truly. I probably could have watched this film without the subtitles and would still have been as transfixed. I was in awe, from the very beginning to the end, and I left the cinema feeling deeply touched and inspired. This is what I love about films, and this is why I only treat myself to watch them every once in a while, I watch films to feel something, to feel inspired and motivated, and when films like this come along, films that make me tingle from the inside out, I can't help but write about it and share it with others. I would say that you should go and see this film, but whenever someone tells me this about films, I can't help but be put off by it straight away, not all of us get the same feelings from a film, we each take away something different, we each have different view points and we each have different perspectives on reality. So, I will share with you what I took away with me from the film.

For the last few weeks I've been aware that I have been suppressing some of my emotions, not dealing with things that have been niggling away at me; over thinking and even rushing a little in my everyday tasks, and I've also abandoned my writing, I still write every day, but have taken a back seat in how much I'm writing; taken a back seat on myself; emotionally neglecting myself in a way. Some of this has been necessary, but only to an extent, as now when I find myself becoming agitated and restless, I know that I need to draw inwards and find out what's causing me to act this way, instead of taking a back seat and ignoring it, I need to get back on the steering wheel.

In taking a step back from my writing, thinking that it would calm my mind, I actually became more over thought and more agitated. By not recognising how I was really feeling, through my writing, or being aware of my mental patterns, I struggled to digest new emotions/feelings/thoughts on top of new ones that I still hadn't properly digested, I had swallowed myself but I was stuck - mentally constipated - and I needed to shift my excess waste in order to make room for the new.

After watching this film I unleashed this awareness and began writing again, getting back on track with my awareness and mental and emotional state. I beckoned my being and she recognised me, without no questioning or need for reasoning. 

She is me and I am She.

The relationship between the two in this film was honest and beautiful, their paths coming together at first as friends, with their attraction for one another gradually blossoming, at first without them consciously knowing. Their relationship together was beautiful and honest as together they dealt with their own emotional obstacles and traumas that were at first caging them from life and from their own realities. In being there for one another, each of them being a strong back bone and inspiration to one another; accepting their flaws and all, they then recognised their own back bone and became an inspiration to themselves.

I realised, after watching this film, that in order to make room for a mutual merging of male and female, we must at first recognise and learn to shift whatever fears and obstacles reside within us, whether doing that together, or alone, but in doing so with true devotion to yourself always.

Every tingle in my heart was touched by this film, and there was also a song that played in the film that really touched me and left me wanting to skip out of the cinema, a song by an artist I've never really listened to before, but this song, her words and her voice made me want to sing as I skipped back home...the song 'Firework' by Katy Perry. I would say you should listen to this song, but whenever someone tells me this about a song, the feeling is never quite the same. For my reality is a different view from yours...

She kissed my eyes

She got candy eyes

Take me to the skies

x

Cotton Flower

It was locked under a broken bone,
At a time when she was so alone.
She never heard the rabbit
She never heard the bird
Until that bone was lifted,
Then came their voices heard

___


It had eyes,
The blood in her veins had eyes,
and she danced until her blood ran black

Tiny little acorn fell through cotton flower

Could you run to a higher flame?
How far could you push yourself?

Lilac birds fly
And lilac birds sing.

Time, never noticed my number

Spider Web

''You can die but you're never dead, spider web.''

As she pulls and weaves in each of her threads,

her veins trigger salty nerves.

Bleached.

Cosmic.

Unparalleled.

Each little finger bleeds amongst the fur.

My lovely little girl

My lovely little girl 

When you die bleeding,

and come out screaming,

all that remains within you is joy;

pure pearls of timeless wisdom.

''I would give anything in my silence,''

she said

as her fingers carried her threads, and she crawled back peacefully,

back inside her spider's web.

x

Carina

When you find your soul, never look back

I pray for love

And I pray for guidance.

Reasoning matters not.

For reasoning beyond your understanding 

leads to madness.

Sheets of red linen

Curl upon the floor.

A teardrop stains 

The eyes of an innocent child.

A curse,

Or a gift, to be alive?

''Naked beauties - alive, abandoned, devoted.''

She silenced her whispering

And spoke the words she had just read - 

''Feeling is the language of the soul.''

And to her surprise, with an answer, God softly said..

''If you want to know what's true for you about something, look to how you're feeling about it.''

Transparent, transient

Intricate, delicate

But stronger than you could ever know

I will never leave you

x

The Hush of Venus

''Society, I feared, still believed the sexually forward woman to be harmful to the fabric of civilization.''

What is it in woman, inside us, that is feared? That we ourselves are afraid of?

Is it life? Death?
Do we veil a secret that has been so long for kept?

Do we fear both the symbol of life and the symbol of woman? The secret that is hidden inside of us? The gateway to eternal pleasure? This symbol that has been portrayed as the goat; as the Devil, for many years, and thus why we've been hidden, hushed away in the dark, our silence eating away at us.

We hold the Devil's mark, he lives within our blood.

Time to make a change.

We've been silent for long enough.

''Wisdom, she says, lies in tearing out the heart as soon as possible, before sorrow settles in it.''

Tempered little jewel,
mistake me not for evil
I am wise beyond my years
The secret lies inside you

''You are creating it, as it is creating you.''

Floating in transparency, I fall
through pigments in time.

Tempered little jewel.

''I am mine.''

''Crime, punishment''

..as beautiful as the strong atavistic bonds between man and the earth, deep, cosmic, simply - 

beautiful.

''The police find them, together, the two of them, in the first flare of twilight, completely naked, painting long phallusoid candles on the wall with yellow paint, the sickly colour of tuberculosis.

Enough fucking around, say the policemen.

Amedeo Modigliani drops his paintbrush, turns and looks blatantly at the gentleman with moustaches.

Get ready, they say.

Ten minutes later, he sets off down the dark stairway, treading slowly, at an almost funereal pace, accompanied by the tense gentlemen with moustaches.''

Ambers jagged edges come clean.

They remain, as yet, unseen.

''A beautiful bird

came to them

and said - 

UNATTAINABLE